Healthcare Providers Response Plan

Never fear the night of the living dead – the Pentagon has got you covered.

From responses to natural disasters to a catastrophic attack on the homeland, the U.S. military has a plan of action ready to go if either incident occurs.

It has also devised an elaborate plan should a zombie apocalypse befall the country, according to a Defense Department documents.

RULE #1

Determine where you are going. We don't recommend staying at home in a house trailer. You should place carboard up over the window using duct tape and a stapler. STARR personnel will be going to Ship Island, because Zombies will never go there. They are too lazy to make the swim. :)

RULE #2

2. Determine which vehicle you will drive. The family Ford F-150 is not to hold all your survival items and the family, the dog, the cat, and other farms animals. We suggest an 18 wheeler fully loaded as you and your entire family should travel in style. the most important thing to load will be blankets, coats, gloves, clothing, and mattresses along with all the fishing poles. You will not need your computers, laptops, X-Box or electronics unless you have a large generator, which would be better utilized for heat and light. You should grab a few books, couple decks of cards, dominoes, and games for the kids as they will not be using their cell phones, watching TV or DVDs, playing Mindcraft, Farmville, or Candy Crush EVER AGAIN. This is a great opportunity to teach them how you lived before the internet and cell phones. Make sure you bring LOTS of TOILET PAPER or lots of BABY WIPES. As these ar valuable commodities when faced with so many other problems that go with responding to a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. Why would you want to have to dal with this problem on top of everything else going on! A portable camp toilet or bucket with a toilet seat will win lots of cool points with the family!

RULE #3

3. Make sure you get tons of non-perishable food items. Canned food is preferred. Something that doesn't need to be heated in order to be eaten. Don't forget the CAN OPENER! Peanut Butter is a good idea. Donuts, Little Debbie cakes, Candy Bars, Ice Cream, pies, or deserts are NOT a necessity, only grab a FEW to make the family happy during a time of crisis. FORGET the ice cream and any items that require water and eggs. It would be a good idea to get a few cooking utensils and trash bags to keep things dry and reduce litter.

RULE #4

4. If you decide to take your animals, make sure you get tons of food for them too or they could eventually become your food.

RULE #5

5. WATER!... Gets LOTS of much needed WATER. All the water that you can put in the truck as water will become more important than food, heat, and toilet paper (well maybe not toilet paper).

RULE #6

6. Figure out how you will defend yourself and family. Make sure you get an axe, as you will need it to build shelters, cut wood for cooking and heating. Mississippi does not get that cold but with the north winds and water it can make temperatures drop below an uncomfortable level. So don't use the axe for defense. Using an axe for defense mean you are getting way to close to Zombies which increases the chances of being bit. We suggest using a bow and arrows or a cross bow which would be better and quiet. Although an aluminum bat or mom's cast iron skillet could prove to be very effective as well but they are still to close.