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ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE PLAN
STEP 1: Determine where you are going! We don't recommend staying at home in a house trailer. You should place cardboard up over the windows using duct tape and a stapler. STARR will be going to Ship Island, because Zombies will never go there. They are too lazy to make the swim. : )
STEP 2: Determine which vehicle you will drive. The family Ford F-150 is not going to hold all of your family, dogs, cats, cows, pigs, and things you will be needing. We suggest an 18 wheeler fully loaded as you should travel in style. The most important thing to load will be blankets, coats, gloves, clothing, and mattresses along with the fishing poles. You will not be needing your computers, laptops, XBox or electronics unless you have a generator, which would be better utilized for heat and light. You should grab a few books, couple decks of cards, dominoes, and games for the kids as they will not be using cell phones of watching DVD's, playing Mindcraft, Farmville, or Candy Crush EVER AGAIN. This is a great opportunity to teach them how you lived before the internet and cell phones. Make sure you bring TOILET PAPER or lots of BABY WIPES. As these are valuable commodities when faced with so many other problems that go with responding to a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. Why would you want to have to deal with this problem on top of everything else going on! A portable camping toilet or bucket with toilet seat will win lots of cool points with the family! Oh and so will charcoal and a grill.
STEP 3: Make sure you get tons of non-perishable food. Canned food is preferred. Something that doesn't necessarily need to be heated to be eaten. Don't forget the CAN OPENER! Peanut Butter is a good idea! Donuts, Little Debbie Cakes, Candy Bars, Ice Cream, Pies, or Deserts are NOT a necessity, grab a few to keep your family happy in times of crisis. FORGET the ice cream and any items that require water and eggs. It would be a good idea to get a few cooking utensils and trash bags to keep items dry.
STEP 4: IF you decide to take your animals, make sure you get tons of food for them too or they could become your food.
STEP 5: Water.... get LOTS of MUCH NEEDED WATER. All the Water that you can put in the truck as water will become more important than heat or food.
STEP 6: Figure out how you will defend yourself and family. Make sure you get an axe, as you will need it to build shelters, wood for cooking and heating. Mississippi does not get that cold but with the north winds and water it can make temperatures drop below an uncomfortable levels. So don't use the axe for defense. Using an axe for defense means you are getting way to close to zombies which increases the chances of being bit. We suggest bows and arrows or a cross bow would be best and the quiet. Although an aluminum baseball bat or mom's cast iron skillet could prove to be very effective as well.
STEP 7: Don't forget important prescriptions. Basic medications such as antibiotic ointments, and pain relievers will be useful. If you get bitten, you are a gonner, but you may still get a few cuts and scraps during the zombie apocalypse and this can increase zombie presents.
STEP 8: Make sure all of your loved ones know where you are going so you can all meet there (or not if it is the in-laws). Plan multiple routes to get there in case of traffic jams and zombies jay-walking causing major road blocks.
STEP 9: If you make it to Ship Island, you will need to worry about shelter for the night pretty quickly. After safety, a place to sleep will be the next big emergency, and FOOD. If you got an 18 wheeler and Large transport ship, your family should all be safe and warm inside. Keep everyone together.
STEP 10: Design some type of zombie alert system. You can easily use some soda cans, rope, and sticks to make noise when zombies trip over the ropes since they have difficulty walking without having a drop foot.
STEP 11: Take a basic sign language course so that you can communicate with your family in time that you must be silent to avoid becoming a Scooby snack for the zombies. We will find one that is easily learned and add it here when we are able.
STEP 12: Infections! YUCKY!!! Sinus infections can be cleared up pretty quickly by inhaling steam from boiling onions. According to many home remedy sites across the internet, onions possess a type of sulfur with antibiotic properties. Need we say to be careful with HOT Liquids! A glass of 1/2 water and apple cider vinegar is said to be just as effective.
STEP 13: Work in progress as we verify our findings.... check back later and if you have suggestion that you would like to share please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.